You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
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There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
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whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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