If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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