I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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