last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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