Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
