Midget sex pt 2 tonight
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
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She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
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