She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
