I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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