Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
