We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
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i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
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He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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