Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
