and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
