i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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