I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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