just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
