i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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