david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
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The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
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How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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