Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
