WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
