The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
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