Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
North Korea, Best Korea!
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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