Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
