i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
the raccoons are back...
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