That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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