hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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