so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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