what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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