then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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