Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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