Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
