im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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