he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
