Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
