New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard