the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
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he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
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You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.