You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
21 Horny People Confess Their Boldest Sexual Advances
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
29 Shocking Confessions That People Thought Were A Joke
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.