Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
not ubering you a puppy