i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
