All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
