went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
