You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Still dying that you shit outside
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
