I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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