Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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