she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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