ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
