bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
this hospital has no fireball
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
