Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
