Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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