New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
