So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
