Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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