he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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