My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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