true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
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Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
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Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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