dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
did you just send me my own nude
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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