She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
