broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
