I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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