You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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