what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
