There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
