he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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