white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You need a sexual gate keeper
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
