We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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